This is it...

FUCK...
there i said it..
seriously... i wonder how much more i can take..
i dunno.. fuck...

sometimes i wonder...
wad's the point...
fuck...
i duno where to begin really...

FUCK!...

i am doin it here cuz.. i duno.. dun feel like talking bout it..wan to juz let everything out...

around a yr ago i suffered a heartbreak..
till now i am still enduring..
2 yrs ago.. there was the fucking divorce and break up..
and i am still sore...
den i had to take each setbacks wif a smile..
i dunno how much more..
wad the fuck...

now?
i broke 2 gerls heart..
and frankly.. it not my wish to break them.. i had no choice..
and i dun think they can see it..
fuck.. u think i like dat?
i had to pretend to be happy still..
shit...
as if that was not enuf...
both had to try to avoid me..
when all i ask is for frenship and sincerity..
one even go all the way to say things dat would make me slap her face if i wasnt patient enuf..
seriusly.. dats how i feel.
sometimes.. i even wan to say fuck off,,,
but no.. i stayed strong..
i try to be around for everyone still...
and i am still trying... i dunno who can se.. but.. its not for anyone else.. but.. for me...
and its not as if i dun wan someone to hear me rant..
its not as if i dun wan to hold someone close..
fuck.. i wan dat..
and fuck...
i need someone now...
is this my breaking point???
FUCK!

FUCK!
its not my fucking choice to move to autralia.
FUCK... u think i wan to be away from all my frenz?
to those who think so..
FUCK U!
if i was given a choice.. yes..
i would love very much to stay here..
maybe an offer from nus or ntu would sway me..
but.. fuck..
i wasnt gd enuf aite...

i registered for ozzy uni juz now.
upon reaching home...
i start to ponder...
like fuck... 20k per year.. in aussie dollars..
dats like fuck...
and i am afraid wif the unfamiliar..
i duno if i can cope wif the change..
or maybe cuz i dun wan to..
i love my frens too much...
FUCK...

THE BASTARD IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE IS NOT HELPING EITHER...
u got a fucking prob.. fuck u come find me...
i paid my fucking share of the bill is this house.. in fact..
i pay much more den u..
u think this house belongs to u?
FUCKING HELL...
the house is not even under ur FUCKING name..
fuck.. u drink the drinks like u bought it..
u eat as if u expect to be served wif out having to pay for ur fucking share...
fuck.. u are like wad?? 27 or 28?
wad u doin?
U SLEEP... U FUCK AROUND...
fuck... i was in 2 minds to punch u silly really..
but yeah..
i kept my cool somehow..
i dunno how much more i can take..

bro wan to take me away to stay wif him.
i dun wan to.. cuz i dun wan to be away from my frenz..
no... fuck...
they are all i have.. now u wan to take it away from me?
FUCK...
might as well u take a fucking knife and stab me in the fucking nuts...
u got a prob wif my frenz coming over?
fuck... my frenz never even touch any of ur fucking stuff...
fuck.. all they do is juz to stay in my room!
and fuck u...
u smoke in my room.. fuck.. i hate the fucking ciggs smell okie...

FUCK...
i seriusly duno how much more i can take.. serius...
fuck...

to those who complain dat life sucks.. think again...

this entry is not directed to anyone... or maybe juz one...
but this is juz me letting my anger out.. to those who feel offended..
i am truly sorry.. there are things u dunno bout me..
and there are things dat u may never even know...

to those who are concern...
thanks.. really..
i can not ask for anything more..
all i need to know is dat u cared..
thanks.. (,")